Tomorrow, I got HR Test. And its effing reading subject. Yes, one may say that if its a reading subject I can score because my super memory in my brain. But if I'm too lazy to read, how am I supposed to remember? Okay, that is for my test. Then, Mid term break will start to accompanying me for a week. I'll be a nocturnal again at pontian. Broad daylight is not my thing yet.
So, aku start untuk berjimba sebab waktu cuti memang waktu berjimba. Okay. Tapi beberapa perkara yang berlaku menyebabkan jimbaan aku terbantut sebagaimana proses tumbesaran aku sendiri. These events make me say 'bullshit' all the time.
Ada seorang makcik tua yang lalu depan aku menyapu serta membersihkan ruang - ruang udara yang kian tipis dengan oksigen tetapi tebal dengan asid nitrik. Yes, pada mulanya aku mungkin tidak kesah. Tetapi lama kelamaan makcik yang tak henti - henti menyapu ini menaikkan segala habuk - habuk kekecewaan yang menusuk hidung kembang kempis aku. Kesabaran ku meletus apabila makcik ini meletakkan penyapunya di depan aku dan menghalang laluan aku selama beberapa jam hanya untuk mengetahui bahawa makcik itu akan berkata "Eh, makcik tak jadi nak sapu la nak." Belum lagi aku buka kes apabila makcik tersebut yang begitu gah sekali mengalunkan lagu "Aku selalu ada untukmu." namun tidak mengotakan perjanjiannya sebagaiman yang telah dilakukan. Oh makcik, hear this word. "You don't respect me, I can't respect you." Tambahan dengan ke-bullshit-an yang telah dilakukan oleh mereka - mereka yang aku anggap my best buddy menyingkirkan aku dari sepaluan kompang yang tak merdu. Tapi aku tak mati la kalau tak main kompang sama - sama dengan kau orang. Hear my word, "If you lose your partner, come to me and you will hear my laugh after all you've done, after you've change. A lot."
Do you ever wonder if
you took left instead of right,
You could be someone different?
Kemudian the "Best Bro" event than occur to me just now. A girl whom I fell in love before is now not in my mind at all, who are in the least expected person to disturb my messy life have done so. The story starts when I get angry when I was accused to be a bad guy in my own life story. Then, the story comes to my member hearing. So, I exchange my secret to this particular member. Who I expected to understand what I am trying to say and conclude. My wrong doing is that I didn't care what will happen if I let this particular member approach this girl. So, today I ask my particular member her side of story. I didn't notice that my member here has a changed of heart. Again, I felt that I am being a Lex Luthor instead of Clerk Kent in my own life. What am I trying to say here is today I learn that I shouldn't try to trust people. Yes, I have trusting problem. A lot has happen in my life that change me into what I am now. I lose trust and hope. But along these two years, I've learn to trust again just to learn that I trust too much. Yes, I trust too much. The one whom I trust , have stayed in enemy line fighting me. It's not just one, but most of them are staring at me behind those line.
Maybe this is right time to stop for a moment and pick a sword later.
p.s : It intrigues me when at the same time most of my friend has turned their back on me. Maybe Allah has planning something better and greater than my plan for myself.
