Home-made Boy.

Current Song: Di Perhentian Puduraya - Kembara

Current Mood: Reluctantly packing back.

Today was not like any other day. Well, like any other day with a slight difference. It starts with, as always a cigarette. A light one. At exactly midnight after the day start. Today I went for a movie. With an exceptionally long-known friends. I went to see "This Means War".

FDR Vs Tuck

Summarily, cerita ni sangat kelakar. Tak tau la kerana ape, tapi aku pasti aku tak pernah gelak sekerap itu dalam panggung wayang. Base story-line, two guys rebut ada sorang awek ni. And these guys are best friends. Cliche' enough? The differences between this and all those stories is both of them works for CIA. And when spies work against themselves. That's where the funny kicks in. As a guy who appreciate humor or at least I used to be, before I went back to stern and mysterious kind again, trust me. This movie is hilarious. With all the British accent from Tom Hardy yang berlakon sebagai scientist dalam The Inception. [Patut aku macam pernah nampak pelakon tu.] Tak percaya, tengok sendiri. =)

Well, the movie was one thing but lepak dengan Lazim, Dayah, Kadir dan Shida what completed it. Although for a short period, I had a really good time. 

After that, lepak-ing dekat tambak from 1 a.m to 2 a.m reminds me of having friends around. Friends who matter. Friends who now approaching their own life with whatever they does. Having two bottles or Barbican and of course, a box of cigarette. Ah, how I can't live without it. Hahahahahaha. Just kidding. Or, am I?

Remember when I said that home felt magical? And things change for the better? Let's see, my dad doesn't work two shift anymore, that's a great point. It's been too long since I had a dad who sleeps at home at night. Good for him. At least now he get a good night sleep. Did I ever mention that most of M. Nasir and Kembara song reminds me of my dad? I guess I never did. 

And tomorrow, I'll be back to Segamat. Ah, how reluctant am I to go back. Tapi.

Aku dan mereka sama

Punya hati dan punya cita-cita

Kota ini tempat ku belajar erti hidup

Ku tinggalkan kampung halaman

Ku tinggalkan semua yang ku sayang

Demi masa depan yang cemerlang

Semoga ku diberi pedoman.

Impian Anak Jalanan - Kembara

p.s:

One of the good advise I get today. Keeps my confident. In everything. Harden my heart for any unprepared that Mr. Universe had against me. Btw, how are you Mr. Universe? It's like you losing your touch my friend. 

Bit of life.

Akhirnya. Selepas hampir dua bulan tidak menjejakkan kaki ke tempat tumbesaran aku berlaku, kini tiba masa tersebut dimana mataku menyapa wajah kemesraan kedua orang tuaku. Bersama anak Cikgu Ishak yang pernah mengajar aku English ketika aku masih dibangku persekolahan, telah tiba aku diperkarangan rumah pada petang 23 Februari. Disapa oleh sang ayahanda kerana kekanda dan ibunda masih bekerja. Ah. Bukan ini yang aku mahu ceritakan. 

What do I want to say, [chewah, tuka ke English sudah] somehow I felt glad. Home reminds me of something  that can't be spoken of but it's definitely great feeling. My life here at home somehow got better. It's good to see that it changes, for the better. Their expression is different somehow but I can't point it out. Definitely felt good about it.

Oh, sejak ada internet kat rumah ni memang banyak la duit api nak bayar nanti. =) Memang tak bacelah Great Expectations by Charles Dickens cuti semester nanti kalau macamni.

p.s:

Not knowing who, when at what does change my harden heart is thrilling and exciting at the same time. Why do they always rush it. Indulge that feeling. A feeling where it change every seconds either for better or for worse. 

Together we stand.

Ho-yeah. Bunyi macam filem X-Men yang ketiga pun ada lah. Ouh, I hate that movie because Scott Summers die early. Okay, back to the post.

Early on, after days of experimenting. Many of my colleague told me that I've change somehow. This semester especially. Many having pleasure with it, some are not. Certain just didn't care. Because they got their world to attend to. Admitting guilty, I did make some alteration to my reaction in my interaction with them. No matter what kind of reaction did I showed to them, in some kind of way it felt sincere from within. If this were happening, maybe they were true after all. It became my nature, not knowing my true nature are but it becomes me. Somehow I was eaten by my own demon. Sinking to the deep dark underworld. Hahahahahahaha. Seram tak? Boleh buat novel lah macam ni. 

And so, observing the change in people around me regarding in mine make me less focus about them entirely. There is a loophole in my knowledge here, I can sense it. Thinking back, I don't really care because they new character in me is taking over all the good side within after long years of stalling and suppressing, hoping that it would never have to became this way. Well, it did. In my defense, everyone change. Nothing stays the same. So the question is, are you still care when it does?

My family are. That's for sure.

That time of the month.

Ops. Pos ini tidak berkaitan dengan hal - hal wanita yang kita lelaki perlu ambil tahu itu. Tidak. Pos ini menceritakan betapa aku memerlukan someone to talk to. Someone who understood. Or maybe just someone warmth enough to be close at. 

Dinner DIBA. A'ah. Dah sampai masanya untuk dinner tersebut. Dinner ini tidak se-awesome yang aku sangkakan. Oh, I do expect great things from it. Some of it were achieved. Most of it were underachieved. For example, many of my classmate who said "Kami unite, anda?" pada satu masa dahulu [oh yes, I do remember things after it long gone.] tidak menghadirkan diri. That's one of the not-awesome-dinner. Well, nak sebut satu - satu tentangnya bukanlah satu benda yang perlu aku lakukan. Tapi, overall-nya kami sebagai budak semester akhir tidak berpuas hati dengan apa yang berlaku. Namun, personally for me. They [top management] has done all their could with all their might to make a right thing. But it just didn't fit. And one of my kami-unite-anda-bagaimana friends tried so hard to cover them, I think that is the worst of all. He prefer backing up someone who they just know from the organization they was once in than friends who were there through thick and thin. Ouch. Kami pun hentam la beramai - ramai. Mana la tak wujudnya hypertension stage 3. Hahahahahahahaha. Okay enough of the not-awesome-dinner or should I say not-even-near-good-enough-dinner.

Okay, but still there is something that I can proud of at that dinner. And it seems that, all good things comes for those who waits. I did wait, and it did turn out to be pretty well. And so, moving on. 

When I look in the mirror, I see someone who can easily pretend as if nothing happen, who really have a really really great life going instead of someone who bears a great weight in his shoulder. But tonight, instead of bursting it all out to anything that did not live, I took a mature decision. I called my dad. And it's true, after I think 87th ways to solve a problem of how to calm my mind, it did clears up all the cloud I build inside my head. Even with a short call, checking up how's my dad is doing in hundreds kilometer away from here. Just like that. Poof. It's not gone, the clouds still there but it shows a way somehow. It build a confidence that somehow I can get pass through this.

p.s:

Somehow I get an IOI [Indication of Interest] from you from the first minute, and in the next you shut off the door completely. Is this how you play the game? If it is, I got to say. I don't play nice. Usually I cheat. I'm a cheaters who doesn't get caught.

Later at Cameron.

2 Feb 2012

Today is the day that my grandfather passed away and left the family for the 40^th day. And all my snooker game getting sucks. Hahahahaha. Later that night, I started packing for my trip to Cameron. Funny thing is, I don’t have any shoes to wear sebab main hujan akibat pergi kelas naik motor sorang – sorang.

Oh, aku aktif main snooker kat sini.

3 Feb 2012

Problem solved a bit about the shoes.  I just bring any shoes for spare and hope there is one there for me to buy. We started the journey to Cameron at 11 am. Stop at Masjid Sultan Abdul Samad for Sembahyang Jumaat. Second stop at Dengkil for lunch from 3 pm to 4 pm. And head straight to Cameron. Arriving at Tanah Rata around 8pm for dinner. For the first time, I bought a glove because the weather here is so damn cold. And I can’t stand cold much. Panas boleh lagi. Sejuk, brrrrr….

Malam yang dingin.^.^

Later around 11 pm, we boys walk from our apartment here [Anthurium Apartment] back to Tanah Rata. A 1 km walk just to get a drink and something to eat. Cuaca jangan kira lah. Peh, sejuk nak beku time tu. Balik around 1 am. Poker kejap, pastu sambung DoTA. Nasib baik aku Berjaya rebut stay kat penthouse, bilik memang besar, bilik air pun ada 3. Senang nak bersiap esok. Walaupun duduk 10 orang, still rasa luas. 

This is the view from my apartment.

p.s:

I get the feeling that I’m not a flexible as I thought I would be. Getting in the wrong crowd is one of the moments that I don’t want to happen again. =) And targeting new subject has been not good for me. As too much sweet talk makes me falls. Might be best to stop doing it.

4 Feb 2012

Bangun seawal 6 pagi walaupun, bilik air ada 3, tak perlu nak rush, walaupun tido kul 3 sebab masih tak dapat adapt dengan suasana bukan sebab excited nak pergi berjalan. Seperti biasa lah kalau budak – budak UiTM buat trip ke Cameron. Ladang teh, taman kaktus, ladang lebah dan lain – lain tu tempat wajib pergi.

Ladang Strawberry. 

Tempat ternak lebah.

Tempat semua classmate nak amek gambar. -.-

Aku dan Q.

Habis je berjalan seharian, malam tu disebabkan tak ada ape - ape aktiviti. Maka kami dengan ini mengisytiharkan aktiviti sendiri. Dengan memekak tengah malam bawah apartment kitorang. Nasib tak kene baling dengan selipar. Dengan gitarnya lagi. Suara - suara sumbang nye lagi. 

Tengah tak ada kerja lain.

Sempat bergambar.

Habis je aktiviti dengan diorang, sambung aktiviti budak serumah. DoTA sampai 4 pagi. Ergh, sah tak ada kerja pergi Cameron main DoTA. Macam kat Segamat tak boleh je kan.

5 Feb 2012

Last day sebelum balik, kitorang dibawa ke MARDI. Dekat sini paling banyak aku ambil gambar. Fun, sebab aku tidak berada dalam grup yang ramai. After kitorang dibenarkan berpecah, aku bergerak sendirian sebentar untuk mencari gambar - gambar yang menarik dan direkodkan, kemudian join dengan mereka - mereka ini.

Sarapan before ke MARDI.

Ni time aku gerak sensorang. [Edited]

Ni time aku join diorang.

Antara landskap menarik kat MARDI.

Ni 3/4 pelajar - pelajar yang pergi Trip Cameron.

Dan kemudian, berakhirlah trip kami ke Cameron. Sampai ke UiTM semula around 9 p.m. Tapi trip bagi aku masih belum berakhir. Kerana tepat jam 12 malam selepas pulang dari Cameron aku dan group ENT aku pergi ke KL untuk menemuduga seorang usahawan yang menternak ikan arowana. Bayangkan penatnya badan aku bagaimana. Tapi penat tak penat sempat jugak pergi tengok wayang cerita Chronicle.

Cerita ni tak best.

okay, I'm think I'm done for this post. Dah panjang sangat sampai aku sendiri naik bosan nak membacanye.

p.s:

I kind of new of accepting your presence. Even after I dug all those memory in the past just to make sure that you are there. And of course, you are always here and there. Why is it just now that I sense your presence?

Tales At Silver.

27 Jan 2012

Today, I made something difference here, because I journalize this first in a note book so that the memory recorded still fresh. Then, I paste it to the blog. I'm here again for the second time. Perak Darul Ridzuan. It's a class trip that I've been waiting for this semester along with next week trip. My journey began today at 11.00 a.m from UiTM Segamat and we made a first stop at Pedas-Linggi Highway. Having lunch at Sg. Buloh at 3.00 p.m. Upon arriving, it has been 6.30 p.m at homestay and we have been divided into three groups. 1 groups of boys and two group of girls. 3 representative followed us that is my lecturer and two drivers. It takes about 7 - 8 hours to arrived here. There's a lot of time to being chatty among friends. Most of it, I use it to sleep, read novel, playing cards, teasing around,and playing song out loud. But, one story that have my attention the most along the way is the drama of two lovers who didn't know how to express themselves towards themselves. Only now that I know the story from the girl side knowing the boy side of story first. Their drama and the way that happen to them is something worth to hear. Although their drama will continue like it always do, I still hope they did what the best for them. They say, "Boys in love expect things from their past experience, but girls in love expect things from the novel they read." Is it true though?

In Front: Ayub, Ashiq, Hafiz
At back: Syafiq, Adam, Aidil.

Girls yang pergi ngan kitorang.

Sempat singgah Gerbang Malam dan beli Jersey Arsenal.

Being here also hurt as it reminisce being here for the first time. Took place years ago, but it still vividly remembered. Yeah, it's not the silence and being awkward is hurt, it's the memories.

p.s:

Being with friends having a joke and laugh, is one of the best things in life.

28 Jan 2012


Second day here were as much as enjoyable as the first day, Woke up at 6.30 a.m really increase my mood and spirit. Having breakfast near 8.00 a'm done a good job in giving energy to start the day. Then, our first appointment is at factories nearby. As an AJK in Photographer, I'm done a great job in doing so. But, being a photographer has a huge disadvantages if there's only one camera. I'm the only one that hold the camera and who's gonna take my picture kalau semua dah bergedik - gedik amek picture itu ini. Therefore, I won't be remembered here. Called me childish, insecure or whatever, I'm sure there's a lot out there who felt the same way but only me have the balls to said it out loud.

Lunch at the second factory along visiting it saves up time in our schedule. So, we recognize the difference in reality and in textbook. Nasib baik aku bukan budak yang terlalu baca buku sangat.

From there, we went to Lumut, a place to do shopping with a beautiful scenery of vast oceans and boats. But, I didn't go there because I followed my friend to his house to visit his mom.

Ibu Aidil Zakuan mempunyai sakit tiga serangkai. Darah tinggi, kencing manis, dan buah pinggang. Last time I visit her, she still can see and move using a wheelchair. But now she can't anymore. Bila melihat ibu rakanku terlantar di atas katil, lantas aku teringatkan arwah atokku kerana mukanya yang cekung dan susuk tubuhnya yang lemah begitu menyedihkan.  That's why I can't be in the same room for long but it's long enough to have a chat with her. And so she tells us the pain, experince, pasrah, duka dan laranya. Ini cukup membuktikan walaupun dia mempunyai anak - anak yang boleh membiayai bilik di Ipoh Specialist Hospital yang berharga puluhan ribu untuk beberapa hari, tetap tidak dapat menjamin kesihatan ibu mereka. Betul kata orang, "Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul." Being here also take me back to there again. A good memory to reminisce, but a terrible place to stay.

So, on the way back to home-stay, I spent time asking around about their degree and others. Most of them have made a choice although some of them still not sure whether to submit it or not. As for me, I left the question unanswered.

Last night here, us 7 boys walking around the residence having dinner, watching Man U beats by Liverpool 2 - 1, and even played DoTA at cybercafe after 3 month not to. What a stupid thing to do, but these stupid things that I will cherish years in the future.

p.s:

Esok, Gua Tempurung akan diredahi. We'll see how human Vs nature going to be. Katenye extreme.

29 Jan 2012


This day start like those two days, we went breakfast and all. But after that, Gua Tempurung is our destination. Straight to the point, Subhanallah. It is one of the beauty of the world that still being preserved by us human. The sight of it can't be describe by words. But, as I said before it's quite extreme. For those who aren't tough enough, let's just say: Be strong. Hehehehehehehe. But, everything is going as planned. Everything is fine and we end the journey being in the darkness only by the light of the torchlight. All I can say is, the beauty of it is Subhanallah. Tuhan sahaja yang tahu indahnye berada di sana. Around afternoon, we move from Gua Tempurung and straight to lunch at Highway. All the time before arriving destination sempat juga berborak dengan rakan kelas about things that won't be tell usually. Hahaha. I'm so good at knowing something if I want to.

Before masuk Gua Tempurung. Semua bersemangat.

Sempat menatap keindahan luar Gua Tempurung.

Arriving UiTM Segamat around 9 something and I'm so glad I'm joining the trip. Ces't la vie.

p.s:

Officially, I'm being more mean and more pessimist than ever.