Never failed.

In time of my hatred is fulfilling my skin.

The one and only that never failed me.

Even Once.

Oh, before that let me rewind why there is such hatred.

Once upon a time......ok, this is bullshit.

I should stop all the crap that took me 3 hours to create.

There is one person told me :

"Kau cuba sembunyikan apa kau rasa, and when u do.

Friends like me and him would hurt to see you like that."

Pada waktu itu, hati aku berbunga - bunga bagai disirami air mawar seharum  kasturi.

Namun aku baru sedar air itu cuma air jampi yang kau dapatkan

kat bomoh berjanggut dan bermisai capang.

Serta perutnya mempunyai 3 lapisan keemasan 

yang berada di depan sebuah kolej di Massachusetts.

Bagaimana aku tersedar?

Apabila aku sedang meronta - ronta kemarahan

sebagaimana aku telah coretkan disini beberapa hari lalu.

And all you got to say is :

"Aik, pagi - pagi dah buat luahan hati?"

Is that all you got?

What in the world make you have the guts and power

to say to me like that?

Really.

Jangan kau main - mainkan maruah / ego aku ini.

You know what sucks?

Realizing what you believe all this time

is complete and utter bullshit.

-500 days of summer-

Namun. Kembali pada apa yang aku cuba sampaikan hari ini.

All the hatred build inside all these past weeks.

Have gone.

Snap! Just like that.

Cuba teka sapa yang buat aku macam tu.

Awekssss?

Jauh panggang dari api.

Skandalsss?

Jauh api dari kerang bakar Rohaya.

Membersss?

Jauh sekali dari "Not really".

Jawapannya adalah seorang bapa.

Ayah aku sendiri menghantar sebuah kiriman pesanan ringkas.

Atau lebih dikenali sebagai "Short Messages Services"

Hanya 3 perkataan yang wat aku terkesima selama 3 jam.

"Ayah sayang awak"

Really dad?

I love you too dad.

Sooooo damn much!!

First time ever dad told me that he loves me.

Sounds funny kan.

But it's not.

Kata - kata cinta sebegini lebih hebat dari apa yang pernah aku terima sebelum ini.

Thanks dad. For being my dad.

Tak tau nak kate ape lagi kat ayah.

Family never failed me in times like this.

p.s :

When you think the world has turn its back on you,

look back: you most likely turned your back on the world.

Gazebo.

Think of a friendship yang sangat seimbang.

Macam bangunan ini.

Seimbang kan? Ada empat tiang yang membuatkan bangunan itu cukup seimbang.

Well, cuba fikirkan sebuah persahabatan itu seimbang sepeti bangunan ini.

Namun begitu silap langkah dari salah satu tiang itu akan merobohkan bangunan itu.

Cuba bayangkan apabila dua tiang yang belah kanan itu bergabung.

Macam mane bangunan itu hendak berdiri kukuh bukan?

Dan cuba bayangkan dua tiang yang belah kiri itu dialihkan dalam keadaan bertentangan.

Maka robohlah persahabatan yang seimbang itu bukan.

Think about it.

A friendship build is like a monument.

Once the monument has been destroyed.

You still can build it again and make it look like the same.

But, ask again.

It would feel different.

It would be different.

Despite everything look pretty much alike.

Akhirnya, persahabatan yang telah dicalarkan walau sedikit.

Tetap akan mengubah penampilannya.

Namun, jika tiang - tiang yang berdiri tegak itu.

Sanggup menerima maaf dan memberi pemaafan.

Adakah ia masih cukup?

p.s. :

Before I'm being kick out.

I rather walk away. kan ayah?

Indulge.

Two things that I indulge myself in lately :

Novel :

This Novel is about a life-changing story of a girl to

become someone who is nearer to the creator.

And this one is a story about a girl who felt responsible

to change a life of a man to become someone who is nearer to Allah.

But I prefer the first than the latter actually because cara penulisan penulis agak ringan berbanding "Stanza Cinta". Okay, korang boleh gelak sekarang sebab aku baca novel cinta remaja. Gelak lah and I would say : Say whaaaaaat? Do you think I care what you think? FYI, I don't. Aku minat membaca. So, I read. And I prefer staying in their world than mine. Sometimes.

My weekend.

With the name of Allah the All Mighty.

Last Weekend.

I have gone to Melaka and KL.

Despite going out with chittle is preferably.

Atas dasar rakan. Semuanya.

Namun begitu aku tak nafikan keseronokan yang ada.

Semuanya kerana X-Men : First Class

dan seorang kanak - kanak.

Let's review what I like about X-Men : First Class.

The introducing of character that have some relationship with the popular X-Men.

Such as Alex Summers a.k.a Havok the brother of Scott Summers a.k.a Cyclops

And Azazel, the father of Nightcrawler.

The introductions it self excite me until halfway

when the story is a little bit dull  because of my expectation in action.

Everything else for this trip is not exciting as always.

And also a bit dull for me.

I know they wouldn't agree with the statement.

Tiring. And dull. 

But experiences beats all that and still give a cheap thrill.

For an inquiry and curiosity kid like me.

Habis cerita minggu ini. Minggu depan Shah Alam pula.

Bagaimana agaknya.

Oh. Hampir terlupa.

Friendly reminder : 

Don't bullshit-ing with me so much. Don't you know I don't give a damn much bout what you think. You pick a wrong fight with a wrong person lah sis. I only do what I would do for any friends out there. You really believe I could become someone in your expectations? Please. You annoyed me so much. I do expect people, and I do judge people. But I do not believe and rely much on my expectation and first-judgement much like you do. Kalau kau timbulkan lagi isu ini, siap kau. Kalau tak marah, menangislah kau aku kerjakan. And I got so much more to think lah besides you. Selama ni pun kau babaikan aku, aku dah tak amek kesah.

Boiling Blood.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim....

It's better if I start this with Allah's name.

So that I can contain my anger toward the bitterness happen.

Yesterday.

Something unexpected happen. A bad one.

Although I have been accused to be so many things that I'm not.

And to be judge by the society becoming the opposite of me.

By the times goes, I've used to become one of the sad character.

But I didn't expect to become the main threat of another story out there.

Seems like I failed to become a good person.

And sometimes I felt like becoming what they have said to me.

But. Just but.

The good thing is. You move on.

I moved on again.

And never will coming back.

Because you told so.

Dengan ucapan :

"Selamat bertunang dan menjadi isteri orang"

So long. 

Us have ended long time ago.

If and if whatever good I want to do only brings hatred, I rather not stay any longer.

Nasihat ibu.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim....

Baru - baru ini aku menjawab panggilan ibu.

Ibu menceritakan tentang kesihatan ayahnya.

Alhamdulillah...

Semuanya stabil.

Namun, hidupnya akan selalu dibelenggu objek bantuan pernafasan.

Maka ibu menceritakan kepadaku.

Bagaimana punca yang diberitahu doktor.

Lalu aku bermonolog sendirian.

"Ini tak lain tak bukan mahu nasihatkan aku pasal merokok."

Sah. Aku tidak silap dalam jangkaan itu.

"Dik, paru - paru atok dah makin kurang kapasiti.

Atok mulakan memakan asap sepanjang umurnya sejak muda.

Mama tak mahu adik pun begitu.

Mama tak mahu adik sia - siakan usia adik.

Hidup masih panjang untuk adik.

Fikir - fikirkanlah adik."

Tersentuh aku mendengar nasihat ibu.

Lalu aku kembali bermonolog sendirian.

Terlalu malu untuk menyuarakannya.

"Adik mahu berhenti ibu.

Tapi adik tak mampu.

Adik tak sekuat ayah.

Sedangkan ayah yang begitu tabah itu pun susah.

Lagi anak bongsu ibu yang sebegini muda, ibu.

Tapi adik tak kan sia - siakan nasihat ibu."

Lalu aku menanamkan satu niat.

Niat itu menjadi rahsia antara aku dan Maha Mengetahui.

Sekian monolog aku di sini.

p.s : 

I'm sick of going to sleep alone.

And it's sickens me when
it stays the same when I woke up.

Long time.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Lama sudah aku tidak update blog aku. Walaupun aku ada terfikir untuk berhenti sahaja menulis dan merepek di sini. Too much I want to tell and describe in my everyday life. Because it's my way to keep track on my beautiful life. So, in the end I just keep on writing here. Maybe someday I will change my URL so that my blog can always be private and confidential. Maybe. Lets, move on. Here I just stated what I just remember in very simple and short paragraph.

Rumah Sewa.

Ayat - ayat disini telah ditapis dengan sebaik - baiknya. Jika masih ada yang terasa hati. Maaf didahulukan. Maybe I haven't told in my blog that I won't stay in college anymore. The answer to the "why" question is I'm bored staying inside UiTM and I want to challenge myself to face reality rather than be in my protected self. Tetapi. Beberapa kejadian yang tidak diingini telah berlaku. Beberapa orang kawan yang dahulunya digembar - gemburkan kehebatan, kekuatan in strong bond dan lain - lain lagi telah memberikan daku beberapa luka dibelakang ku. Lebih ramai aku melindungi, lebih banyak backstabber yang timbul. Okay, backstabber may be a harsh word. But it suits them. Really suits them. But, because I already get used to it. It have been a small matter to me. Although at some point I think it shouldn't happen but it did and that's that. 

My Grandad.

No much to tell because it's something happen in family and most of it will stay in the family. But I want to say that he is near 90 years old now. And he has been admitted to the hospital for last Thursday the fifth time already for the last couple of month. The third time when I was preparing for last Final Examination. Pray for him for me. If. Just if the time has come. Pray for him to make it easy. But it is a big if.

Housemate.

3 person. Me and two others. It hurt in term of income. But when it comes to something more, it's better this way. Although there is a way to improvement but I rather stays with someone I trust and know than someone who can fu*k me up when time is crutial. 

New Semester.

Too much changes in classmate. Too bored. Too lazy to start again. And too sad because of pointer. Even now, there's still a person who will say, "DL lagi ea?". I would simply said no if I'm 3 and above. But when I'm below 3, I would say yes to whatever they said. No news and hope or plans for laptop. But still will get one. 

- It Ends Here -

p.s : I did forget you. It's the best decision I made in my life. The worst decision I made in my life is remembering you after that.