I'm Done.

That's it. I'm done in Diploma. For 3 hell of a year. That's a lot of time. If That's it. I'm done in Diploma. For three hell of a years. That's a lot of time. If I can remember back in all those years, I highlighted the moment I stepped into that world. Exactly end of June. At that time, my head were filled with anxious, scared, lot of guilt, loss of love and many undisputed challenge ahead. Questions are how I am supposed to survive all these years. But how hard it seems that time, here and now I’ll say 'pffft... am I that weak in the past?' Wow. 3 years huh?

Before I go telling how I celebrate with my friends about having a last day and all, I would to record my last effing paper that sucks. I only felt that way two times, first in Semester 5, and now at Semester 6. The history did repeat for those who forget. I did forget how much I struggle last semester and how much I regret for not going all out that time. Well, for my defense, lots of my friend couldn’t do it either. At least they can put a smile because they have answered the last paper, siap boleh amek gambar lagi dalam dewan peperiksaan. Good for them I guess.

And how did I celebrated the last day in Segamat? Of course lah dengan budak kelas dan budak rumah. Makan dekat Juara Ikan bakar IOI telah membuatkan aku keluarkan duit yang banyak. Lepas tu, seramai 18 orang daripada roughly 29 budak kelas pergi ke karaoke sekali. Betapa besarnye bilik yang kitorang sewa untuk menempatkan budak seramai itu. Tambahan lagi, untuk 3 jam pulak tu. Tapi 30 minit terakhir tu, diluangkan untuk budak – budak memberi sepatah dua kata tentang friendship and all that sampai jurai – jurai air mata sume, lagi – lagi budak perempuan. Tapi ada aje budak lelaki yang habis mengalir air mata. Tak aku nafikan perasaan untuk meninggalkan budak – budak kelas memang sedih sebab 3 tahun memberikan impak yang besar pada kami semua. Well, mungkin hati aku keras sangat kot. Kemudian semua nak amek gambar dengan mata masing – masing merah. Tapi, it’s a memorable memory. That night.

Dengan budak - budak rumah pulak, well aside from makan KFC, main snooker dan cendol tak ada ape yang dapat kitorang buat memandangkan masing - masing nak balik dengan awal. Tapi highlight of it is that aku dapat tengok kawan aku yang tak pernah hisap rokok, hisap rokok. Hehehehehe. Reluctant, tapi dia buat jugak. And btw, my project at long last is not accomplish. The mission did though. But it isn't the way it should be, well. No one knows what should or shouldn't happen right.

p.s:

I've learned that there is nothing good in too good and there is nothing bad in too bad. 

Dumb Dumb.

This is made out of boredom. Yes. I'm bored to death. After 3 final examination passed, I guess I got nothing to do. So here I am again. Btw, after I did a little soul searching the other day [hahahahaha], I just found out that I have days before all of sudden, I won't have any class, my friends are away, no classmate, no futsal, no badminton, no snooker, and all other little things that accounted for. Feels a little sad that good things always comes to a hard end. Some of my friends who did matter won't continue their studies and make these days are somehow the last days we met. So, how will I end my terms here?

Well, ending terms here is bad enough. I've gone through additional problem. Such as my finals sucks. For example, I didn't target an A for my recent paper at all. Heck, for a year after my broken down grade, I know that I did not go all out as I always have. Its just like I left my soul somewhere in the timeline. Seriously. I spend most of my time searching back where I left it and I just couldn't think where. My drive is slow, my resolution is not enough and my target is low. All I know, I did not set my standards hard enough. And to adding it, somehow socializing at time like this is bad timing. I mean, yes I scored beautifully in my first and a half year, but my grade is not at all excellent now. And they say I am a genius. Perli, memang tak faham atau puji tak kene tempat? *Sigh* And I say to myself, you my friends are not someone who matter. Don't make me start on friend who are always there only when final / assignment is approaching. Dumb.

Anyway, last few weeks I made an argument which is more awesome. Being with someone for a year or being with someone at every other day. I've heard some of sever and unsparing opinion from one of my friend who actually in a relationship for years. Really. And they say in relationship is one of the best thing can happen  in life. That is from someone who are actually in relationship for years. But, not to mention also there is some good one in them. And also, I've heard from someone who are in a realtionship for months. You know what they say, all cliche' things from the book and every gooey and romantic crap they know. In the end, I got no argument left and leave the question as it always be. "Different for every people". *Sigh* Some people who are in relationship actually want to be single but won't. Vise versa. Why human never pleased with what they had? Dumber.

And lastly, at some point I felt really - really stupid doing some project who someday will ended up in an old cupboard. Again. Dumbest.

p.s:

I saw my friend getting a best days of his life knowing a girl and change his life. Good for him.

Injury At The Corner.

This post is not mine. This post is for my friend who just recently lost his mom. At the corner of final. He lost his resolution after it. And decided to extends his study. Well, that not his to be blame. After all, he's here at UiTM Segamat for his mother. And after this is happen, I don't know what else to say or do. Alhamdulillah, after awhile, he still want to continued his final semester. I guess, he'll do it for his mom. Al-Fatihah kepada arwah ibu Mohamad Aidil Zakuan Bin Ahmad. 

Sebesar itu dugaan final dia. Subhanallah. I wish for him the best.

Study weakling.

Just because I can't sleep I decide to let it out here. Haha. Not funny, just because no one want to listen won't make me being here again. Really. No excuse. Ok, you got me. It is. Well, f*ck 'em. I don't care if readers think that I'm so silly telling this and that in front of laptop when no one listen. Well, of course they don't listen. They read. =)

Ok, out of topic pun. Final Examination is reaching and my life is great. No, it's not a sarcasm. My life is great. I woke in evening, missed lunch, go out jogging, have dinner, going snooker, study, going out somewhere, studying again, can't sleep till a.m, and again in cycle. On and on. That is very much of my schedule whole examination week. And it has been started since last wednesday where I was here again at Segamat presenting my Business Plan to three panel. Much like mini VIVA to me. After a lot of hardwork being put into that plan, at the day of presenting, it goes out very smoothly. Albeit, many of my colleague didn't agree much in theirs but I guess its Allah's help. Alhamdulillah. Business jual Ikan Arowana berjaya mendapat perhatian panel. 

Well, after that I want to say that a topic came out to my friends somewhere at some day. The topic goes out very directly. "Why aren't you in love?" Knowing that I myself am always chasing some goose tails playing loose and always lost. And it goes more than one and a half hour denying that I'm not chasing anybody tails or playing loose with anybody and definitely not losing if I'm not even playing. After convincing them that I am really - really happy with my life and does not have any crush at anybody, [it's really hard convincing them apparently.] they ask me another disturbing question. "Is it because the last still remains inside you?" And this time, even for a good debater, knowledge-equip, reason maker person like me going speechless. It is disturbing because somehow I even considering the possibility of the question to be true. 

Well, what I know is that the question is not going to bother me at least now. With an approaching final this wednesday. 

Being deeply in love with someone gives you strength,

Loving someone deeply gives you courage.

-Lao Tzu-

p.s: 

A friend doubt when you are lying.

A good friend knows when you are lying.

But a great friend knows you are lying

even when you didn't know that you are. 

They say, if you shut out pain, you shut out love too. Truth? Or just a effing fiction?

Stopping PGN.

Current song: Whatsername - Greenday

Current song: Nil.

Baru minggu lepas, aku cabar Mr. Universe seeing he's losing his touch in pushing me to edge. Secara tibe - tibe ia memunculkan diri dengan whole lot of new tricks in his sleeve. Good to know you are back buddy. How funny, making friends with an enemy. I like your new trick, when my phone screen just go kabloew! Nice timing just after I bought a charger for once. I guess I just cut my spending here and there to cover it up. But that not what I'm trying to say here actually. Hanya mukadimah.

PGN atau nama lainnya Pre-Graduation Night. Yup, memang ada cerita buruknye dimana kene bayar dengan harga yang mahal dan bila dikurangkan tempat jadi tak best. People talk here and there. Orang tu cucuk jarum itu, cucuk jarum ini. Cucuk tang sini, tang sini, tang sini dan tang sini. Habis semua diburukkannya tentang event tersebut. But heck, aku pergi jugak akhirnya. Menyambut salah seorang budak rumah yang berjaya menjadi Siswa Terbaik Banking. Proudly. Tak lupa juga untuk aku bergambar ketika berada disana.

Tak sangka kan?

After 3 years taking Diploma in Banking, ada la rupa - rupa orang pejabat sikit. Daripada dulu yang masih budak - budak lari - lari peluk lampu isyarat. Hell yeah. I've done that. Masih ingat lagi time aku first masuk kelas, jumpa sorang budak kerek tu yang anggap aku kerek jugak dan ada lagi sorang tu tibe - tibe jadi popular sebab nama sama dengan pemain bola sepak negara, walhal ketiga - tiga compete konon nak masuk Komander tapi last - last tiga - tiga quit. Minggu MMS yang perit berlari dengan kasut kulit. I've done that too. Tapi ada juga cerita sedihnya. only 2 boys dalam kelas aku yang stay dengan aku dari Semester 1 sampai la ke malam pra-graduan ni. Ever saw a picture of three boys bertajuk Solidarity yang aku edit tu? It's them. The only. Friends who stays is matter.

Cerita lain. Btw, aku telah cuba untuk kesekian kalinya (truth is, dah tak terkira) untuk berhenti smoke. There are two friend of mine already done that. Well, we all know how right. It's all about fighting the urge with will power. Peh, dah macam Green Lantern pulak lawan pakai will power. Somehow, I fear it. The smell, the smoke, the light, most of it. It feared me, semua jadi tak kene. By that time, I used that fear to be my sole fighting urge. It work bit by bit. The rest, it comes down to willpower again. Well, after a week of resolution. I  had it reduced a box for 4 days. It is a bit impressive to me. But, here's come the catch. It made me become edgy. Whole time. Everything will tip me off. Even a little. The whole reason why I don't stop at the first place.

Well, this time I got to try even harder. And no, there is no ulterior motive. I decide at one night bila teringat arwah atok. That's all. I think I want to be better. Somehow the reason itself doesn't seems enough. But enough for me to try again. But is it enough to make me quit? We'll see.

p.s:

Lepas ada internet yang laju kat rumah. Ape je aku nak buat dengannye? Selain dari FB, Picnik, baca komik, youtube dan main game. Aku nak start amek tau pasal cold war 1945 - 1991 ni. ada cadangan lain tak?