Well, as the topic goes. I hereby say goodbye to July 2011 and welcoming August 2011 where it also means hello to Ramadhan Al-Mubarak. Here is something that happen in July that I still haven't talk about it here. Note that my tone in coveying these message is neutral, no emotion afflicted. Please read it that way too. =)
Remember when I talk about my lost confident and trust to every little someone in the last post. Okay, here's the thing. Days before, I had a phone call. From someone I least expected. Someone from my past.
This particular person is one of the reason all of this happen. You see, my life is like an iron chain. Everything is connected. So is this past person. Also connected with what happen with my best friend at UiTM and another particular someone. I cant say any name here, and it making me confused. Hahahahahaha...=) and also connected with why I have trust issues. Okay. This particular person called me. and the only reason I picked up that phone that night is because I don't know who is calling. Kalau aku tau, tak adalah aku angkat. And the best thing is, everytime she is calling is when I'm having fun at Melaka. Okay, you caught me. Last Wednesday, I went to Melaka to watch Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallow Part 2. Don't make me start comment on this movie. Hahaha.
Now, this caller here was asking me so many question about what I did back then. The reason and bla bla bla. Then I asked her the why question. Oh, yes. I love to ask why question. Everything is a question for me, all you got to do is asking the right questions. And she said something like this, "I want to know the reason, punca semua ini berlaku." Okay, it's a tough one. But I want to make sure that this is settle once and for all. Although I already said the same thing years ago, but it still didn't. And she also said that, she want to make sure that what her informer told her and what comes from my mouth is the same. And after a long conversation, dengan angin sepoi - sepoi bahasa kat Pantai Klebang tu I found out that what I told is different from what I hear from her. Surely the informer in her side is giving the wrong idea. Or, she herself is giving me a wrong idea about her informer. Well, it's a tough situation for someone who lose everyone to talk. So, what I did is neither both of them I trust. Kesian lah orang yang bercakap benar, telah tidak dipercayai oleh aku. Dan bergembiralah orang yang salah kerana buat aku hilang kepercayaan kepada orang yang benar.
It intrigues me, both of them have a reason to make my life miserable. And one of them has give a 'great help' by meddling in my 'game'. I want to ask the very same question, "Why you did this and that?" But, aku matikan niat aku sebab aku tau, susah untuk aku menjadi baik pada pandangan setiap orang. It's hard to please everyone. And I myself is very good at being bad, and very bad at being good.
Dan recently aku terjatuh telah mengakibatkan hantukan yang kuat di belakang kepala aku, menyebabkan aku semakin mereng tahap giga. Maka, inilah cerita dimana aku hilang kepercayaan terhadap rakan aku sendiri. And yes, this might not please her when she finds out. But i didn't do me well either. It's a both lose situation. I ended up the conversation earlier with something like this.
" I hope that you will not call me for whatever reason, and this is the last call I ever pick up for you. No hard feelings but you and I will not going to be together, although how much we cared for each other." - She's agreeing and until now, that was the last I will hear her. I hope. After all what happen, and if someone knowing what really happen, they will say I am a cruelest person alive. Again, it's hard to please everyone. She's agreeing because she knows what both happen for both of us and that calls clears everything up. Although it still blurry at some part, but it did.
And this is a second story about how I were and still in a cold war between particular someone in UiTM. The story starts long ago but recently move up into my reality. Here's a thing that you readers should know. The way I see it with her is that we are a team. They didn't have to tell me that I'm their best friend but the way I see it, we are a good damn best friend. When you got a problems you come to me, because that is what you do for near two years. Both of you. But, recently. Situation has change. Amat mengecewakan. Sungguh. They both put their lovers ahead than me. And it happen, nearly the same time. yes, bunyinya macam aku ni psiko yang insecure gile bile kawan baik aku lebih pentingkan kekasih mereka berbanding aku. Sounds immature, but hell. Semua orang akan rasa benda yang sama kalau mereka berada ditempat aku. Hahahahahahaha. Okay, back to the track of the story. What happen is, she gave me an idea that "We should stay away from each other." I say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. Okay, true enough because I will do the same if I've been told what I told her. Well, I agree with her idea and I might say, something like this "Aku tak suka dikaitkan dengan kau." Hahahahahahahaha. Jahat sungguh aku. Well, I didnt meant it that way actually. What I really trying to say is. Aku tak suka digossipkan dengan kau. Sedangkan kau dah ada boyfriend and our friendship is off balance. Everything will fall apart. Sooner or later.
Sila kata aku bengap, bangang lagi tak matang. Tapi biar aku bagi korang semua satu persoalan. Kalau anda berkawan rapat dengan seorang yang berlawanan jantina, kemudian dia mempunyai kekasih. What did you do. You do the same. You will try not to go out with each other, lunch with each other and such. Lagi - lagi dengan orang single macam aku. When you are single, you can't go out with your opposite sex best friend when they aren't. Well, that rule sucks. But it's for the better. Again, it's hard to please everyone.
Well, I have nothing else to say. All that left in me is a phrase of, "It gets better." Walaupun aku tak berapa yakin dengannya. Namun, ketibaan Bulan Ramadhan yang penuh berkat ini, aku akan bina satu muhasabah diri dan azam yang baru untuk menjadi lebih better in whole. Maka dengan ini aku ucapkan Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al-Mubarak. Semoga ia membawa keberkatan kepada semua umat manusia. Amin.
Now, this caller here was asking me so many question about what I did back then. The reason and bla bla bla. Then I asked her the why question. Oh, yes. I love to ask why question. Everything is a question for me, all you got to do is asking the right questions. And she said something like this, "I want to know the reason, punca semua ini berlaku." Okay, it's a tough one. But I want to make sure that this is settle once and for all. Although I already said the same thing years ago, but it still didn't. And she also said that, she want to make sure that what her informer told her and what comes from my mouth is the same. And after a long conversation, dengan angin sepoi - sepoi bahasa kat Pantai Klebang tu I found out that what I told is different from what I hear from her. Surely the informer in her side is giving the wrong idea. Or, she herself is giving me a wrong idea about her informer. Well, it's a tough situation for someone who lose everyone to talk. So, what I did is neither both of them I trust. Kesian lah orang yang bercakap benar, telah tidak dipercayai oleh aku. Dan bergembiralah orang yang salah kerana buat aku hilang kepercayaan kepada orang yang benar.
It intrigues me, both of them have a reason to make my life miserable. And one of them has give a 'great help' by meddling in my 'game'. I want to ask the very same question, "Why you did this and that?" But, aku matikan niat aku sebab aku tau, susah untuk aku menjadi baik pada pandangan setiap orang. It's hard to please everyone. And I myself is very good at being bad, and very bad at being good.
Dan recently aku terjatuh telah mengakibatkan hantukan yang kuat di belakang kepala aku, menyebabkan aku semakin mereng tahap giga. Maka, inilah cerita dimana aku hilang kepercayaan terhadap rakan aku sendiri. And yes, this might not please her when she finds out. But i didn't do me well either. It's a both lose situation. I ended up the conversation earlier with something like this.
" I hope that you will not call me for whatever reason, and this is the last call I ever pick up for you. No hard feelings but you and I will not going to be together, although how much we cared for each other." - She's agreeing and until now, that was the last I will hear her. I hope. After all what happen, and if someone knowing what really happen, they will say I am a cruelest person alive. Again, it's hard to please everyone. She's agreeing because she knows what both happen for both of us and that calls clears everything up. Although it still blurry at some part, but it did.
And this is a second story about how I were and still in a cold war between particular someone in UiTM. The story starts long ago but recently move up into my reality. Here's a thing that you readers should know. The way I see it with her is that we are a team. They didn't have to tell me that I'm their best friend but the way I see it, we are a good damn best friend. When you got a problems you come to me, because that is what you do for near two years. Both of you. But, recently. Situation has change. Amat mengecewakan. Sungguh. They both put their lovers ahead than me. And it happen, nearly the same time. yes, bunyinya macam aku ni psiko yang insecure gile bile kawan baik aku lebih pentingkan kekasih mereka berbanding aku. Sounds immature, but hell. Semua orang akan rasa benda yang sama kalau mereka berada ditempat aku. Hahahahahahaha. Okay, back to the track of the story. What happen is, she gave me an idea that "We should stay away from each other." I say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. Okay, true enough because I will do the same if I've been told what I told her. Well, I agree with her idea and I might say, something like this "Aku tak suka dikaitkan dengan kau." Hahahahahahahaha. Jahat sungguh aku. Well, I didnt meant it that way actually. What I really trying to say is. Aku tak suka digossipkan dengan kau. Sedangkan kau dah ada boyfriend and our friendship is off balance. Everything will fall apart. Sooner or later.
Sila kata aku bengap, bangang lagi tak matang. Tapi biar aku bagi korang semua satu persoalan. Kalau anda berkawan rapat dengan seorang yang berlawanan jantina, kemudian dia mempunyai kekasih. What did you do. You do the same. You will try not to go out with each other, lunch with each other and such. Lagi - lagi dengan orang single macam aku. When you are single, you can't go out with your opposite sex best friend when they aren't. Well, that rule sucks. But it's for the better. Again, it's hard to please everyone.
Well, I have nothing else to say. All that left in me is a phrase of, "It gets better." Walaupun aku tak berapa yakin dengannya. Namun, ketibaan Bulan Ramadhan yang penuh berkat ini, aku akan bina satu muhasabah diri dan azam yang baru untuk menjadi lebih better in whole. Maka dengan ini aku ucapkan Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al-Mubarak. Semoga ia membawa keberkatan kepada semua umat manusia. Amin.
