April Fold.

Sejak my grandma ada kat umah aku setelah dia stay 3 minggu semata - mata untuk tunggu aku pulang bercuti dari UiTM ni, aku tak smoke pun kat rumah. Habis ketagih aku. Aku dah naik lupa macamne rasanye sorok - sorok hisap rokok. Selama ni aku tibai je kat umah. Namun apakan daye, aku hormat orang tua. Parent aku muda lagi. Hehehehehehe. 

Bukan tu aku nak cerita kat sini. Tapi aku nak cerita yang aku semalam pergi melawat untuk kesekian kalinya arwah atok aku yang meninggal 99 hari yang lepas. May he be place in a better place. Yup, aku balik Bt Pahat sekejap. Dengan nenek aku dan pak ngah aku. Datang lihat rumah dan kebun sekali. First impression aku, rumah ni pun nampak nazak. Yelah, mungkin sebab tak de orang tinggal kat situ. Maka, segala memori mengenai setiap pelusuk rumah tu kembali ke dalam ingatan aku. Just like that. Sedih aku tengok kampung aku jadi macamtu. Mungkin macamtulah setiap kali ayah aku balik kerumah dia. Teringat lah aku juga tentang penyesalan yang berlaku dalam family aku. Tapi, when I do look back, I don't regret many thing in my past. I guess I just believe what they always said, "Everything happens for the best."

Btw, aku nak share satu video lagu dari Supernatural. Dinyanyikan oleh Kansas. Nice lyrics.

And lastly aku nak ingatkan pada diri aku tentang satu phase yang sedang aku alami. I think something is really wrong with me. Really really wrong. I don't know how to empathy, how to hate, how to feel anything. I think my mental is going wrong all the way. My emotion is blur. It begin to speak in language that I didn't even know. Okay, I like someone. All my friends told me the same thing. And the good thing is, her friend told me that she like me too. It should be a good news isn't it. But, right after I've known that fact, I kept my distance. I lay low for things to cool down. That's not normal. For me. Usually, I should jump upside down and tell her how I felt and tell the world too. But it's not what I think is right. Right now I only think about four reason. First, deep down I don't want to fall in love again. Second, I don't think I can give the best. Third, maybe I love being single. Fourth, maybe all the above. *sigh* What's happening to me. I totally forgot being in love.

I guess I just carry it on and let the path open for itself rather than fight myself a way into the pit. A fiery one. 

p.s:

They say, I got all the time to mend a broken heart. But they also said that taking too much is a waste. I might miss something. Apekan daya, I've tried countless time to try to be in such state. Try to be more open. I just can't. Not now I guess.