Current mood : Wait up, this is about it.
Current song : Airplanes – B.O.B ft. Hayley Williams
I’m a normal human being, have eyes that can see, have mind that can think and have feeling that can be hurt. But I see what I want to see, and think what I want to think. That’s why I’m hurt more than I should be. Since I’m still a kid, I learn to do what I want. But as I grow up, I learn what I want to do sometimes hurt people. So I learn to be emotionless. Someone who doesn’t show enough feelings towards almost everything. Soon enough, I realize I need to tell and show what I felt. But I forgot to learn how to tell and show my emotion. That’s why it’s hard for me to tell what my feelings are exactly.
Right now I don’t even know what my heart is trying to tell. My mind is absolutely clueless about my feeling. It’s a separate organ that maybe can’t figure out each other until the end. Maybe I’m sad, and no, it’s not hatred nor angry, maybe a bit jealous or maybe aku cuma kecewa dengan diri sendiri. I don’t even know the reason I’m being like this. I got three reasons:
The fact that I not the chosen one. I’m not the one to turn into, I’m not the shoulder to cry on and I’m not anything. I’m just a simple friend, friend that only comes when are needed. Mostly aren’t.
The fact that I can’t make her happier than she is now and I never could do it. I’m helpless and can’t do anything about it. When she is with me, she won’t be happy like she is now. And she is happy now, her happiness is without me. So it hurt. Or
The fact that I can’t shake of this ineffable feeling off. It won’t go away like it should be. I try hard not to think, not to feel almost anything but the same feeling still lingered on and on. I’m so stupid in walking away. Very. Laugh at it.
So, which is it the reason that it hurts so much? I can’t tell, can you? Please do tell.
I’m sorry for myself that my heart is so stupid.
And my heart is blaming my mind because it can’t think straight.
And my mind blames me for not being good enough.
Who should I blame? Myself.
And also, it's hurt when u are being not second, but near last to someone who u put first.
