Dengan Nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Penyayang.
It felt really damn good to admit something than being in complete denial at every second in my life. Just now I've admitted something that was there all along. Something that I want to deny at all cost. Still don't know how I can open to somebody and admitted. Maybe it was her charmed or something. Ke aku kene pukau? Woha! Tidak sama sekali.
And then after felt relieve for actually admitting, comes the hard part. Thinking about should it be done in the first place. I know saying, "Fuck it" and smile always works. But this time I did something that went against my rules. Breaking my own rules. And that terror is there and will haunted me. But in positive side, maybe Allah did open my heart to actually be true to myself and start reconsidering every rules again. A hint for a new things.
Maybe it is time to really move from this exact same spot where it all ends. And maybe I start believing again. Or maybe I really can help myself away from this misery. Maybe I already did all that deep down without the awareness of my consciousness. Still, the fear is there knowing somebody knows me more than I should let them do.
p.s:
Apart from my own war, my friend is still in her own. Selepas enam hari berada dalam koma, rakan seperjuanganku akhirnya bernafas dengan tidak menggunakan mesin selepas lehernya ditebuk untuk saluran pernafasannya. Her reflex is still the same but her eyes just yet to be open. Be strong my friend. Kami sentiasa mendoakanmu.
